Teacher Teach Me

I watched the movie, “Amy”, the other night. It’s a sad and poignant film about Amy Winehouse, a uniquely talented young woman who had a troubled life of addiction. The movie was important, as it showed Amy – on her catapult to celebrity - as a human being with foibles and weaknesses, and how destructive fame can be to those who do not have the constitution for it.

The profound moment for me came in a scene with Tony Bennett, veteran crooner and – who knew? – philosopher, when he said to the camera, “Life teaches us how to live it – if you are lucky to live long enough.”

On the eve of turning 50, I cannot say how strongly this resonated with me. When I think of the things that used to bother me, the way I used to think, even last week, I can see the teacher of time – showing me more wisdom every day.

People are always complaining about getting older. There are entire industries dedicated to stopping the march of time. But we seldom hear a celebrity talk about the greatest gift of aging; wisdom.

My mother will be celebrating her 80^th birthday this year. She is one of those rare birds who, despite the aches and pains and troubles of being almost 80 (and there are many), appreciates that many of her ‘people’ were not lucky enough to live to be almost 80. And here she is. Life has taught her how to live it – and she is grateful to be here.

A Moving Story (somewhat explicit)

Recently, at a Bat Mitzvah, I had a conversation with a lovely gastroenterologist. She informed me that it is best to move your bowels in this way: just do it. There should be no reading material on the back of the toilet, no crossword puzzles or Sudoku, it is not the time to meditate or cogitate or write imaginary blog posts in your head. It is time to poop. Get in and get out.

This may well be good advice, although for those who tend more toward constipation it will be difficult to impossible to follow.

On the other hand, my aunt used to make the point that pooping takes time. She saved a whole fifteen minutes for it in her morning routine! She would make sure the house was quiet, she was not needed by anyone, and slip into her bathroom to give time to the process. Relaxed, she could let her autonomic nervous system do what it needed to do in its own time. Books, magazines, pondering; bring it on!

Like my husband’s grandmother used to say: "That’s what makes horse races." Honoring the differences in our bodies.

Either way, I find it a little awkward that, when I am on the toilet, I think of these two women. Three, actually.

I also think of my cousin’s daughter who, at a young age, asked this most brilliant question: Why is it that when it’s hard to poop it’s easy to wipe and when it’s easy to poop it’s hard to wipe?

Monday Morning

There are two kinds of weekends. There are the weekends where you do a lot; you travel, you have parties, you go to parties, you have planned activities. These are the weekends where you make memories. You feel like you actually did something. And on Monday morning, you and your memories are tired. You feel wiped out, not quite ready to hit the ground running.

The other kind of weekend is the one where you just BE. You take long walks. You clean. You cook. You hang out and watch football, or movies, or read a book. Very few memories are generated by that kind of weekend, but you gain something else. You rest.

Most of us are not used to making REST a part of our week. The Orthodox Jews, who don’t do any kind of “work” or travel or use electronics or cook or clean on the Sabbath, have put REST as a priority – mainly because it is written quite clearly in the bible! On the seventh day, you rest.

Much is written about the healing power of rest. When you start feeling a cold coming on, go to bed. Sleep is a powerful healing agent for all kinds of ailments. And yet, the importance of sleep is largely overlooked in our society. We push it to the edge, we burn the candle at both ends, we try to function on 5 or 6 hours of sleep just so we have more hours of the day to be productive. In grad school, I had a friend who was listening to subliminal tapes that allegedly made him need less sleep. Needless to say, he frequently fell asleep in class!

But there is another aspect to the importance of rest. We need rest from the daily grind of our mind.  Some people do a meditation practice, giving their brain a rest for a certain period of prescribed time. Others, like me, need purely unstructured time – to let the brain just unravel with threads of nothingness. I need the kind of weekend that allows for much staring into space. This is the kind of rest that no one talks about. This is the kind of rest that we might even feel ashamed about! In this day and age, to lie about doing nothing?

[As a side note, when I say 'nothingness' I don't really mean watching TV or playing video games. Those activites are not nothing - they stimulate our brains with constant barrages of images – to me, that is the opposite of rest.]

But there is great value in doing nothing. It can feed us in a way nothing else can. It can relax our brains – which are WAY over-stimulated – and help us get ready to face the week again.

[Another side note: everything in moderation J]